New
DAWNING for
domestic
violence awareness activities
News
Domestic
Violence Awareness
Opinion
Piece
Submitted by
Nan Joy
Bio: Nan
Joy is a psychotherapist who lives in Ellisport.
I’ll never forget
my first experience with domestic violence. I was living in a white, middle-class
neighborhood in Indianapolis when I heard screams. I was walking down the
street toward my house and I realized it was one of my neighbors. Her husband
was beating her up in the doorway of their house. I was terrified, but
I did the only thing I could do: I just stood there, on the sidewalk, in
front of their house, staring at the abuser. I knew that abusers of this
type don’t hit other people: they just hit family members, but I was still
scared! The man yelled at me: “What are you doing? Go away! This is none
of your business”! I forgot what I said, if anything, but I didn’t move.
Then the woman spoke up. She said “Please leave, you’ll only make it worse.”
I felt conflicted, but I left and went home (just two doors down). I was
afraid to call the police. I was afraid the abuser would confront me if
I did; maybe beat me up.
This experience
illustrates the many complexities of domestic violence. People involved
in family violence experience feelings of shame: maybe I’m doing something
to deserve this. Because of this, they want to keep it a secret. Victims
are usually dependent on their abusers. This makes it extremely difficult
for them to leave the abusive situation. And neighbors feel squeamish about
what to do. We’re neighbors, we know these people and we don’t want to
get involved; we’re afraid.
A few weeks
ago, in this paper, I read the article about how IDVOS (Island Domestic
Violence Outreach Services) lost $41,000 in an embezzlement by the executive
director. I felt uncomfortable after reading about it. I wondered how it
was that IDVOS allowed this to happen? I decided to call Mary Ellen Walker,
the board president, to hear the story.
This is what
she told me: It seems that Johnny Luddington-Green Morales was under suspicion
of fraud by the law firm she had previously worked for, but the Washington
State Bar Association didn’t let anyone know until she was already hired
as executive director by the IDVOS board. The board agreed to let her continue
to work there, but they insisted on annual audits of the IDVOS books. This
went on for a few years, everything was OK for awhile, then the board members
decided to recruit replacements and retire from the board. As soon as the
“old” members were gone, Morales began her embezzlement. She deserted her
position a year later, leaving the agency over $41,000 in debt. The new
IDVOS board had to take on this debt. They knocked down the debt from $41,000
to $23,000. But this wasn’t without impact on the program. The $18,000
that went to pay down the debt was money they couldn’t use for services
to clients. And these clients need a lot of help when they leave their
abusers.
When a woman
leaves home due to a threatening situation, often with children, she (and
sometimes it’s a he) immediately needs safe shelter and an array of services.
She needs food, or money for food, for herself and her children. Once a
safe home and food are found, and that’s no easy task, then she needs to
arrange for a no-contact order and press charges against her abuser. Once
that is done, she needs to find clothes for herself and her children, since
often they leave their house with nothing but the clothes on their backs.
She needs diapers if she has an infant. She needs access to a laundry.
And that’s just scratching the surface.
Finally, she
needs to start a new life. She will need to sign up for financial support,
food stamps, rental assistance. She will need to look for jobs and if she
has no job skills, find a job training program or enroll into a school
program.
You can see
how IDVOS could have really used that $18,000 on services. Instead, they
spent that precious money on paying back some of the debt incurred by Morales.
Morales essentially
broke the back of the organization. After a few heroic years, IDVOS stopped
providing services last October.
After I heard
that story, I felt angry. Why should IDVOS have to put on bake sales to
pay back a debt as a result of a criminal act? I had an idea. Why not organize
the women’s book groups on Vashon to do a fund raiser? And while we’re
at it, why not educate the public on family violence? Why not give the
new service provider, DAWN (Domestic Abuse Women’s Network), a hearty welcome
to the island?
I went to my
book group with the idea and they agreed. We’re calling ourselves Books
In Action and we’ve come up with three projects: 1) a donated book sale,
2) a “Vashon Reads” event, and 3) a Book Readers Ball. We have garnered
the support of several outstanding venues, including the folks at Books
by the Way, Vashon Bookshop, and the Vashon Library.
We are looking
to engage book groups on the island. It’s estimated that there are over
thirty women’s book groups on the island!! We hope that we get participation
from these groups to put on a most wonderful series of events. Already,
my co-coordinator, Paula Madsen, has arranged for Karen Fisher, Bainbridge
Island author of A Sudden Country, to have dinner with the book group who
raises the most money!
Domestic Violence
Awareness Month is October. Let’s say good bye and thanks to IDVOS and
welcome DAWN to our community. Let’s think about what we can do to create
a healthy and vibrant community on Vashon, violence-free.
Whether you’re
in a book group or not, we can use your help! Please contact me at 463-6569,
or Paula at 463-3707. Thanks and I’ll see you at the book sale.